Tuesday, February 15, 2011

7 Generations of gaming

So it's been a while since I have found anything decent to write up about until today when clicking links had found me on wikipedia, looking at the wonderful accessories that Nintendo had made for the SNES/Super Fanicom systems that the Australian public never got to see.

Now as far to my knowledge I have played on a system from 6 out of 7 generations of gaming, as the first generation was made 10 years before I was born how ever I can play a mean game of pong.

Now down here in the land down under we don't get much love when it comes to the mighty videogame overlords giving us new toys for example the Multitap. This little device was made 2 different ways.

If you owned a sega console back in the 90's you may have seen Micro Machines if you haven't go play it right now I will even provide links for you to do so. Now the Sega Mega Drive had 2 controller ports as standard like all 4th gen systems how ever the developers for micro machines said "Lets make this game 4 player and build 2 extra controller slots into the cartridge itself and watch children have fun."

This was a fucking awesome idea I mean when I rage quit cause I can't see wtf I am doing on my small arse screen T.V. I can throw my controller thats plugged into the cartridge across the room and watch the entire system go with it. Then EA games came along and said "What if we just plugged a 4 port controller dongle into the 2 already existing ports?" then 600+ EA sports games came out that were terrible and the concept died.

Then Nintendo made a 4 player Bomberman game and released there own version how ever only japan saw that 4 player madness.

After clicking all these links in wiki and looking at what other fun accessories we didn't get I found some rather interesting ones and Shall list my Top 10 favourites.

10: NES Zapper -  Yes the cutesy orange zapper that looked all futuristic except we got jipped on that too if you live in japan you didn't get some shoddy piece of orange plastic no, no, no, You got instead Clint Eastwood'd giant arse 44' revolver as that was more family friendly in japan. Go duck hunting and once you're done go rob your local 7/11

9: R.O.B - Yes that fucking robot that was completely useless and was slow as shit, how ever he's really OP at Smash Brothers Brawl. Now this little guy was spose to substitute a 2nd player if your child had issues making friends, except rob is a shitty friend. The only thing he is useful for now is the 2 AA batteries in him for those moment when your vibrator dies or you need juice for the remote.

8: The Sega Mega Drive - This thing is basically an expensive fucking Voltron toy I shit you not except it rocks 3 parts not 5. This system was my favourite growing up and it also lead the way for the 32bit consoles except it was shit at actually playing 32bit games.

7: Menacer -  The Light Gun for the Mega Drive this thing was sweet it took me months of pocket money to get the batteries alone to run this beast as it chewed through the 6 AAA batteries it needed to power it, best of all I learnt how to shoot left handed as I broke the right hand scope mount. I mean just look at it. If the AUG and the AK47 had an incestuous night of love this is what we would get.

6: The Super Scope - The light gun for the Super Nintendo was by far the best light gun you will ever own/have/develop. This is what the Taliban train there rebels with it's sleek sexy and by god the games were fun, if I could ever own anything again in the world it would be this with a copy of Battle Clash and Metal Combat so I could waste another Christmas holiday period yelling at myself for being a shit shot.

5: The Sega Saturn floppy drive -  I have no fucking idea why Sega made that I really don't 50% of the 5th gen consoles were CD based, Saturn being one of them. How ever some dick decided lets make a floppy drive charge $100 for it make some profit and it fucking worked. Now I can;t find any fucking information on this product and what it was meant for at all as far as I know it was useless and just made sure your friends knew you meant business or your silver spoon that mummy and daddy fed you has now been digested and has been throughly lodged in your anus.

4: The Wavebird Gamecube controller - I hate everything that is wireless when it comes to gaming except I have one exception to this rule and it's controller as long as they are done well. This is the best ever example I can provide as it worked and it worked well especially when trying to figure out if you can: A) play a game from your driveway. B) Beat friend at said game. C) You end up succeeding in both. Theres not really much I can say about this controller except that I stole mine from a local pawn shop when they fired me because it was that awesome.

3: Satellaview - For when you need to turn your SNES into a god damn warship japan came out with this. Now the reason this is number 3 is nto because I have personally used it. It's because of what it did essetialy it led the way for online play and episodic content. Anyone who has played on of the legend of zelda games will know they are fun time consuming and in some part challenging. This device brought you more zelda goodness weekly via satelite T.V. and multiplayer competition. The games were played in real tiem and you had to earn points and you won prizes in real life and in game. Sadly once again japan only got this fun and everyone else missed out.

2: Super Gameboy - I hated that yellow piece of shit screen on the Gameboy it was fucking terrible that was until Nintendo split the heavens and graced us with another lovely product; the Super Gameboy. This allowed you to play your gameboy games on your SNES while having a big screen to look at and not strain your eyes it was genius nuff said.



This is why I love gaming Guitar Hero started the plastic fisher price instrument revolution and Nintendo said fuck your guitars good sir's we have fucking bongo's. Donkey Konga was not only fun but hard it was like masturbation, You want to keep going but your arms get tired and you eventually give up except Nintendo added music and the Poke'mon theme song.

Next week I shall list the absolute horrors that failed us.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Wall of water crits QLD for $dick

So the floods of 2011 are here and well seems natural disasters don't fuck around. This being the first one I have been in I can't help but think if water restrictions were lifted off our area's could this of been avoided or at least mitigated a bit more.

The effect of the flood on myself is pretty much non existent how ever my local kebab shop and Mcdonalds went under which was a tragedy cause lets all face fact who the fuck wants to eat Red Rooster ( For the Americans who may not know red Rooster is like KFC except they do this mysterious thing where they roast the chicken not deep fry)

Now where I live I am pretty much in a safe zone if a flood happens how ever several nearby suburbs less than 100-200 meters away from me got owned

 Picture above is the Ipswich Motorway which is about 200 meters away from my house the water around there would easily be 10 meters+ deep
.Local park just around the corner there is a road under that water somewhere along with a house to the right.

Now I seen pictures my grandparents took of the 1974 floods and in comparison 2011 is quite tame to what it could of been

Another shot of the Ipswich Motorway imo if peopel didn't live there I would think water views liks this would be quite awesome.
And the local caravan park, add some outboard motors and a few plastic drums and these poor people would of had full laughing rites at everyone else.

These are just some snippets of my area and the flood waters are slowly receding now but damn the damage are going to be easily in the millions. How ever the only delightful irony in all of this is a lot of the debris has been reported on our local MP's office roof rightfully where trash and shit belongs.