Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hooch, Ultra Death Sauce and Good Times

Ahhhhh Alcohol one of the many reasons I live for the weekend and most likely the reason I will die or the reason my liver is perfectly preserved. A gathering of friends happened and a party of celebrations took place, why? Shit why not it's a rare chance you can get 25+ friends altogether for one awesome night of drinking and catching up.

But unlike most normal people my friends are quite the bunch, the night started of relatively quiet as people slowly started turning up saying hello to the people they haven't seen in month's or in my case years.

After everyone was settled in the drinking commenced, now unfortunately being unemployed leaves me with very little options for buying booze and getting my drink on how ever thanks to the 3 sisters I have a long time ago they introduced me to the wondrous world of wine, a.k.a Hooch.

Now the average price for a bottle of wine in Australia is around $20-25 pending on who makes it how ever there is this nice little tucked away secret in the fridges of 1st Choice stores around Australia that is now known as the $6 selections now at first glance most people think "Oh looky here cheap nasty shit." But this is not the case at all I can't for the life of me tell the difference from a $6 Moscato to a $20 one only difference is the brand name. So after seeing this little gem I walk out of my local 1st Choice store with 3 bottles of Banrock Station Moscato and later on got a Bottle of Brown Brothers Dolcetto & Syrah cause bitches like to see class in a man.

So the drinking commences 2 bottles of hooch down it was time to drink something else as hooch can leave one quite dehydrated. Out of nowhere this bright light came and once dispersed there was a godly sight in front of me.

REDSKIN VODKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now there seriously needs to be a big fucking caution sign on this homemade monstrosity saying the following.

CAUTION: Consumption of this product may have some side effects;
Ability to sway in place without falling down
Need to sing Billy Joel and Jimmy Barnes songs

Now a few of us had a swig from the bottle and thats when the idea hits me. What can I do to make this beast of a drink even more awesome.... ADD LEMON SOFTDRINK!

So now we started to mix this together and by god good sirs it was perfect.

A couple fo hours past and a friend has brought out a bottle of sauce which in all honesty I think is an abomoination to all things hot. Ultra Death Sauce  MORE INFO, Now for those who cbf clicking the link this cause isn't just hot, it burns it makes grown men cry and when it is ingested it causes gonorrhea of the anus. To measure it's heat imagine the heat you get from a normal jalapeƱo, right now times that by 1 million and you have Ultra Death Sauce. A few of us stood up to the plate and had a bit of this sauce and we were sorta fine the burn is just really intense and just sits there for ages.

Thats when the fun and games begin. What if we got a glass put a dash of Ultra Death in it with vodka, sambucca, red cordial and a dash of orange juice then got someone to drink it. Well we did and it claimed 3 victims. Why? Because we lied about what was in it and we needed some entertainment.

Now midnight rocks around and I am completely shitfaced I don't know where I am what's going on but the singing commences and as far as I am concerned we sounded like a perfectly tuned Tom Jones without the faggotry. In reality we probably sounded like Lilly Allen live after drinking a bottle of scotch and attempting to snort Elton John under the table which sounds something like this Lilly Allen for reals.

After the song and dance everyone started to go home as real life issues dont go way for ever so the people left and it was time for sleep. The next morning death had come knocking I felt like shit, I got approx 5 hours sleep and was still drunk couldn't walk in a straight line to save me and was scared of going to the toilet by my self due to the possibility of falling in and drowning. What could I do to save me easy drink my own body weight in water, pop some Panadol and grab something greasy to mung down on.

Pro Tip: If you are feeling like absolute shit do not eat unless you are sure your stomach can handle the pain afterwards or don't eat Red Rooster your call.

After food and a 45 min drive home it was time for a long overdue shower a big glass of water and bed with a touch of air-con set to Ice Age. all and all a good evening and hope to do it again I say I wont drink this time but pfffft we all know no one says that and actually does it.


  1. Hm... interesting enough. I guess i`ve learned something.

  2. Deff learned something. Check out
    peace /b/ro.