Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Gambling, Strippers and Tasty wins these are a few of my favourite things.

So it's a Tuesday night and somehow I managed to get myself dragged into Brisbane city for a spot of Gambling and drinking. Last time I ever set foot in a casino I manged to get myself kicked out for using the word bomb and bag in the same sentence, and maybe having a beard might of led to some profiling against me.

So I walk into the Treasury Casino and the first thing I noticed was the singing chorus of the Pokie Machines along the outsides of the main foyer and Tables as far as the eye can see. 3 of us have just arrived an waitign for 2 more so we grab some beers and check out the tables to see what the actions like.

Now not to sound like a wanker but seriously people what the fuck I watched 3 elderly men place $100 chips on every single damn square in roulette. If I had $3600 to blow I can think about plenty more things I could spend it on like coke and hookers.

After watching the action and thinking my addictive personality and gambling are the worst idea in history the last 2 members of out party arrive, before we head down to the buffet to get eats we head off to the pokies to try our luck. Now I shit you not ladies and gents we had only been on the machines for 30 seconds and on of the lads has already hit gold he turned $2 into $145 in 1 spin. My only reaction was to siomply stay calm and keep pressing the shiny button on my machine which eventually ates the $20 I put into it. Pro Tip: DO NOT trust any machine that is Egyptian orientated.

So after a while we grab some eats and head over to the video blackjack tables, simple game throw in $5 bet it all see what happens. I can tell you now the whore of the video blackjack lady took 3 of us for all we had put into her. Pro Tip: If you are up pull out there and then going from $20 to $55 then to $0 hurts.

So after black jack we tried out hand at keno which supposedly has fun odds etc. Complete fucking lie. Back to the pokies.

Round 2 commenced with our shiny noise making friends and we seem to have done a lot better well except for me the blackjack and keno whores took my money. Now recently 50 line machines have come into play and theres 2 kinds of them; The Kind that pay out really well have have an awesome feature and the kind that have a horrible horrible feature and will take your house car wife and your Mexican house boy. We found the latter.

Now 2 friends took my advice and went on the machines I suggested cause I had a "feeling" from them. 1 Paid out 1 Didn't, my advice if the machine only gives out 5 free games as a feature leave it alone and find a Spring Carnival machine and w.winbig.

So 1:30 am rocks up and we need something to do as we are over the money grabbing machines and employees of the casino. So it's 1:30am on a Wednesday what else do you do? Strip Club, 10 minutes later we found ourselves at a lovely little venue called The Cabaret Club now I had in my mind the vision of sexy dancing ladies with feathers etc kind burlesque style. Boy I was wrong, we walk in and of course we had forgotten Metallica was playing hours before hand and every wanker who thought he was hot shit was in there.

Now 3 things I noticed while sitting around drinking in this place.

1.) Everyone who wore a Metallica shirt seriously had no idea on the rules of this place they did a no no that the stripper said no to and she walked away with their money I saw this happen at least 7 times.

2.) I felt like a minority not to sound racist but the white people to others ratio was out the window surprisingly enough a goo majority of people in there were of middle eastern appearance ( Indian, Pakistani, Iranian you know the places where sand was invented)

3.) The strippers had fuck all room the spin around on their poles. I'm approx 6ft and thats about as much room as their was form the floor of the stage to the roof, but these ladies were so used to it they used their wondrous abilities to defy physics to bring us sexy entertainment.

Now after about 15 minutes of watching these ladies dance, strip and pretend they cared about us the realization of the female counterpart knowing I was in such a place chilled me to the bone, 1 minute later a friend had bought me 5 minutes with one of these ladies and I felt warm and fuzzy inside know I have felt breasts from many corners of Queensland. Gentlemen these were the softest most smoothest pair of breasts I have ever felt on my face and hands and I loved it. As much as I would of loved to have taken those puppies home with me I knew I would of been shot on sight.

But shortly after the night ended the strippers had homes to go to and the cab drivers needed to do some work so we all headed on home. Now during the night I sampled quite a few drinks and I must say if you happen to be in the Treasury Casino in Brisbane, Try the Strawberry Daiquiri's they are potent, tasty and full of win and awesome for better results and effects drink rum before hand to get you buzz going the daiquiri adds a fizzy sensation to one's body and it's all smiles from there.

Not bad for a Tuesday night out next time I have a substantial bank roll I shall find out what goes on in those ever so private rooms in the Cabaret.

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